like a river flows surely to the sea
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...darling so it goes, some things were meant to be.

welcome to my "pretty shit" photoblog thing, please enjoy your stay.
I Lost My Job For Being Raped.


THIS POST was about me. I’ve tried to be strong, tried to pray and hope for the best. It’s not enough. I’ve contacted RAINN and my local rape crisis center. I’ve reached out to a therapist and retained a lawyer. They point me in circles, point at each other and tell me to “hang in there.” Where? Here, constantly between sickness and sleep, between fear and worry. Hanging here, in the balance, where my entire life is uncertain. I heard once that you should “be the change you want to see in the world.” So now, by regaining the voice that was stolen from me when I was raped, I’m going to.

I started working at a residential group home for abused and neglected youth because I wanted to help heal the broken. I wanted to show those hurting kids that hope was on the horizon, that dawn would break no matter how long the night. I made myself vulnerable. I loved. I trusted. And then one of those kids betrayed it all and raped me. Horrified and humiliated, I told no one. So he did it again. And again. And again. And again.

When he told the administration that we’d been having “consensual sex” as a way to avoid being punished for fighting with another student, I finally had to come forward with my secret shame and horror. I’d lost twenty pounds in four months, was constantly crying and having panic attacks at work, was constantly covered in bruises inflicted by this underaged monster… but it seemed like none of this mattered to the police. To the police I was a criminal. To the police I “got into a situation that went a little further than I wanted.” To the police I “never had any boyfriends, so I probably liked the attention.” Because I hadn’t come forward “first,” I was guilty of sexual misconduct with a minor in the second degree. I was guilty of statutory rape.

…Except I’m innocent. I was raped. I lost a job I loved for being raped. I lost health insurance I needed for being raped. Now I’m facing 20 years in prison for being raped. I never told because I was scared, because I was constantly threatened, because I barely knew my own name through all the trauma and horror. 80% of all rapes go unreported. I WAS RAPED. THAT IS NOT MY FAULT. I’m not a criminal; I’M A FUCKING CRIME VICTIM.

So I need your help. Be the change you want to see in the world. Help spread rape awareness and let society know that RAPE CULTURE IS NOT OKAY. I’ll be arrested within the next week, but hopefully this signal will burn bright enough to reach even the coldest, most indifferent hearts:

VOCAL @ facebook:

VOCAL video log #1 @ facebook:

Spread awareness on Twitter by re-tweeting these updates:!/feraldolce/status/134026228846960640!/feraldolce/status/134349093983100929!/feraldolce/status/134405324349243392

Use hashtags #getvocal and #ihaveavoice to show support and share your own story. I know it’s hard, but you’re not alone. There’s 80% of you out there that know not coming forward is common, not a crime.

Guys, this is one of my best friends. She’s talked me off of ledges, helped me through some of the hardest times of my life, and just generally been there for me whenever I needed her- now she needs my help. Now she needs everyone’s help, because she is facing up to 20 years of JAIL TIME. FOR BEING RAPED.

Please, take just a moment to read her post. Reblog. Check out the GETVOCAL facebook page and read the story there. Like the page. Share her video blog (linked at the bottom of her post.) Spread awareness.

It’s been suggested that doing so won’t help her situation, and maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not. But I can tell you that staying silent definitely won’t help her.

Rape is never the victim’s fault. It wasn’t Candice’s. What’s happening to her is one of the most appalling failures of the American justice system I have personally witnessed. She’s scared. She feels alone. And all that she’s asking is that people spread the word about the living nightmare her life has become so that maybe this won’t happen to someone else.









A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.
The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.
Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.2. Sabotaging birth control3. Marital rapeOver 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.
The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.
The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her.  She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.
One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”  Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.
Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately. 

“Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”
“Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”
“Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”
“Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”

read this. very powerful and important stuff.

This is why I was on Depo when I was stuck with my abusive boyfriend.  He beat the shit out of me when he found my hidden birth control pills. 
Guess who opened 2 hours early so that I could get my Depo injection without my abuser knowing?  Planned Parenthood.

Marital rape happens so often in some places people don’t see it as an issue. They think, if you’re married the man is entitled to have sex whenever he desires which is incorrect. Whether you are a complete stranger in a dark alley or married to me, you do not have any right putting your hands on me without my consent. 


This is something that makes me so sick.
So fucking sick.
This is an absolute travesty and no one deserves to be treated this way.
To feel that anyone only cares for them for this reason.

(( and THIS is why I am pro-choice. ))

I genuinely feel sick to my stomach after reading this. This (among a plethora of other reasons) is why definding Planned Parenthood was such a huge fucking deal, not to mention a frankly malicious act against women.